Sunday, 24 August 2008

Frustrations.

Since August last year, the running has been going badly. I got a bad cold in mid August and took a few days off, but not as many as I should've, because the Great North Run wasn't far away and I was aware that I was already behind on my training. I did it, but it's taken me until now to realise that I really shouldn't have. That I should have made a decision not to run for a few months afterwards, to do something else instead. To give my body a break.

I've probably been out less than ten times since last October, until this weekend. And the times I have been out I've forced myself to keep on. Done 5k and then been dead on my feet. Not wanted to make the effort. Not been able to get myself back into a routine. I've put on fat around my stomach. Watched as D started an exercise routine and started to get fitter than me for the first time ever.

It only occurred to me a few weeks ago that what I need to do is give myself a break. To get back into the habit of going out three times a week, but just for short runs. To enjoy it. To realise that I need to build a solid base again. I've been out twice this weekend and will be out again tomorrow. And suddenly, I'm enjoying it again. I won't be able to run the whole Cancer Research 10k I'm doing on 7th September at Alnwick Castle, but who cares? I'll run as much as I can and walk the rest. I'll take my time and not make myself ill. I'll build my stamina back up over time.

Writing, though.

The breakthrough in how to make myself write again still eludes me.

Things that might help:
- if we had a cleaner
- and a secretary to deal with all the paperwork
- and someone to list all the things on eBay that we don't want to throw out because 'they might be worth something'. Ha. Not if they're not listed, they're not.
- if i stopped being such a control-freak and got D to deal with some of the house stuff (house insurance, stuff like that)
- a half time job for full time pay
- an extra day a week to read on the books on my TBR list
- someone to sort out all my photos on the computer

I've applied for a nine-day fortnight in work, which might actually help. Full time hours, still, but a day clear every other week in a quiet house. But the rest? I'm drawing a blank.

And I hate myself for it.

I hate myself for being too scared to Just. Do. It.

But the only way around is to Just. Do. It.

So I will.

(I've added a counter-thing to firefox. Tells me how long this session has lasted. 24.50 so far. I really should go to bed. Tomorrow is another day, untainted by failure. I can do this.....)

15 comments:

loria said...

I'm pondering running the 5k I often do in October instead of walking it. I've done very well walking, and have been very proud of myself but I want to push myself ... challenge myself. SO I'm going to try running, even though I'd totally like to lose a few stone first... we'll see.

Been thinking of you... xx

Mosher said...

24:50? Amateur. I've been sitting in a hostel online for about 15 hours a day for the last week.

Will someone *please* kick my arse into gear?

B said...

Loria honey, I was thinking last night that I haven't emailed you in yonks. I have not been keeping up to date with everyone. Sorry.

Go for it! Start out walking one minute running the next (or use lamp posts or some other regular marker to change between running and walking. Then go to running two minutes, walking one. Build up over several weeks.... See how it goes. If you get to the stage where you can run the entire 5k, great! If not, then maybe run 1k, walk 1k, run 1k etc. And run it all next year :) Let me know how it goes!

And mosher, that is shocking! What are you doing in Malaysia if you can find that much time to sit online????

Also, I had spent a lot longer online yesterday. That was just in that session :)

Mosher said...

Erm... not a lot. But at £3.25 for a night's accommodation it's easy to stagnate. Bus booked to Semporna in an hour or so though.

B said...

Well have a good time! And consider yourself kicked so you do something other than sit on the interweb. You could do that here!

(ditto what i said to loria about not keeping up with people. i just had a quick read of your blog though - i do believe you might be exaggerating the time spent on internet vs time spent out!)

Mosher said...

Oh, believe me - I've been *hours* online the last few days. There's not a huge amount to do in KK unless you start spending large chunks of cash.

5-8 Ringgit for a film is OK, but there's not a lot on here. Diving's OK but eats into the cash - hence going to Semporna. It's the same price and much, much better.

Lane said...

I like your last line. 'Doing it' is so scary. 'Not doing it' is so disappointing. Suppose we've got to work out which is worse:-)

watching9987 said...

Well, can't (won't) help with the cleaning, or the paperwork, ebay annoys me by always beating me and I'm not (yet) powerful enough to add days to the week (although I have been known to make them disappear...)
But I could lend you my Magic Dressing Gown. I find it a great help with the writing. That and swirling round apple juice in a big brandy glass cradled, just so, in the palm of your hand...

B said...

Mosher, hope you're having/have had a good journey!

Lane I've been torturing myself by not doing it. Today I went to Borders with the hubby. While he wandered round like a sugar-addicted child in a sweetie shop, I took my laptop up to Starbucks and wrote 750+ words of a short story aimed at Mslexia. I don't understand why I can't write at home, but I can write in the hustle and bustle of a coffee shop. Still, let's not knock it, eh? Also - the downside was that we then spent £50 on books. Some of those are christmas pressies (for me! yay!) but... ouch. We have to work out the details....

Not writing is worse. I remember that now. Thanks for that :)

Nik! Would you really lend out your magic dressing gown? You are so the coolest and generousest. Is that a word? If not it should be :o)

I will have to get a brandy glass to try the apple juice thing. It sounds fun!

It is very cold here right now. That is not helping anything.

So no votes to help with my housework? Sod it, I'm going to ask my mum to come up and help then :)

loria said...

um... I'll help with housework!

problem being, of course, that plane ride to get there... ;)

xx

trousers said...

There's a lot I identify with here, if you transpose running/writing into cycling/producing music.

I've done pretty well with the former this year (though lapsed in the last 3 weeks), and am currently busy with the latter - but the amount of times (with the music) that I put barriers up..yes, doing it is the answer, just doing it. I've just done a couple of hours worth tonight, mainly some technical stuff, but I feel so much better for it and easier about doing some more tomorrow night.

Helps when you have a deadline, I need to have around 25-30 mins worth of music ready for the middle of September...

B said...

Ooooh Loria I look forward to your knock on my door :)

trousers, deadlines do help. but i don't take the ones i set myself seriously enough, unfortunately. i'm working on it. anyway, time to go and do a little bit before bed while i'm waiting for D to come home. thanks for dropping in :)

Kate.Kingsley said...

I've been a bit of a running skiver so far this year too ~ I used to run FIVE TIMES a week (where the hell did I find the time!!) but now I'm down to twice a week (if that!) and I feel super guilty about it ~ the weight is piling on too :-(.

However, I can give you the benefit of my experience of the Alnwick 10k ~ don't be AT ALL sad about not doing it: there's a hill about 3/4 of the way round that is so steeep that I struggled to even walk up it, and it lasts for about an entire kilometre. I was almost in tears!

Like the sound of that nine days a fortnight thing ~ I might try mooting that at my work ;-)

peaceableimperatrix said...

Aargh! I just wrote up a comment which blooger just spit out into the gutter.

So, in brief, good luck with the new work schedule, that sounds great!

And don't forget the Turkish baths you've mentioned here in the past. Massages always do a body good.

B said...

Kate, five times? I have never and could never manage that. I bow to your energy. Even twice seems to be beyond me right now!

Don't scare me about the 10k! I am still doing it - I have been sponsored £60 so have to! But I will mostly walk :)

My 9-day fortnight has been approved. I am very happy! First 'tenth day' is next week.

imperatrix, thanks :) And thanks for that suggestion. I had indeed forgotten about the turkish baths. Will schedule an appointment soon.