Tuesday, 25 November 2008

what i should tell my friends

sometimes i think there are things i should warn my friends about me.

- i mean to remember the news about your family and ask you about it, but i will probably forget. (
particularly horrible when it's the serious illness of a family member who is far, far away. i can't believe i forgot that one. i feel like a horrible friend)
- when i remember again (normally when i hear it mentioned in conversation with someone else) i will agonise about whether to ask, or whether this will make it too obvious i've forgotten up until now. i will hate myself for this
- i hate reality tv, and many other tv programmes. i hate it when you discuss them at length in front of me and will drift off into my own world until you've finished. especially if i've had a glass of wine. i don't speculate about lost or incessantly quote scrubs at you unless i know you're into them
- i usually look more normal than i really am. (particularly weird today was standing in the shop that used to be called kathmandu in my suit and heels, buying blue and purple nailvarnish and ankh earrings and listening to the first nine inch nails album before realising I really had to get back to work, and that i looked far too normal to be in there in the first place)
- i am torn between wanting to look more like i feel inside, and not wanting to make it difficult for me to progress in work
- i am jealous of some of my friends for managing to walk that line and still be successful in their chosen careers
- i wish i had a style all my own
- i'm sick of feeling like the poor relation
- i'm panicking inside about how little time there is. between now and the next course deadline. between now and christmas. between now and the time by which i should have done something with my life

but on the brighter side:
- i'm probably happier than i sound right now
- texting half a lyric to a friend and having her text back the end of the line in question cracks me up
- i don't mind hanging round on a freezing street corner for 20 minutes while i wait for a bus if it means i've had a great night out with friends


14 comments:

JJ said...

B, that's such a lovely post - I relate enormously to many of the things you mention. When people reassure you that you are a good friend, I think you've just got to believe them.

I think the only danger is when we allow it to be self indulgent.

Take care

watching9987 said...

"i don't mind hanging round on a freezing street corner for 20 minutes if it means i've had a great night out with friends"

Careful... You'll get yourself talked about. Cos, you know, it sounds a bit dodgy doesn't it? Doesn't it? no? just me?

B said...

thanks jj; i didn't think i'd come across particularly well in this post. you make me smile.

nik, what are you talking about? it says right there i was just waiting for a bus! i have no idea what you're alluding to. (also, we looked far too cold and were wearing coats. no self-respecting geordie woman wears a coat, never mind the, ahem, ladeeez of the night. we wouldn't have got any business at all. errm, what was i saying?)

SpiralSkies said...

What beautifully honest and touching post. I think I may have just fallen a little in love with you :0) x

BeckyG said...

Aww Beth, you sound quite low. Is there anything I can do, other than panic with you about the next course deadline? You're welcome to come over anytime or maybe you'd prefer to meet up for a coffee sometime.

Take care.

Becky.

B said...

Jenny and Becky you are both lovely. Thank you. Becky I would love to meet up or pop over sometime. will be in touch once i'm back after the weekend x

Vix said...

Dont warn people about you. Those who dont hang around once the full B experience is unveilled arent worth knowing. Also... *in a squeaky voice*
What has two thumbs and doesnt give a crap?
xxx

B said...

Bob Kelso. I added the voice to keep it fresh

;o)

Vix said...

hehehe ALSO i worked out what it is the title of your blog reminds me of. say it aloud. now way it to the timing and tune of Rocko's modern life... enjoy!

Vix said...

say* it. damnit

trousers said...

"I usually look more normal than I really am" might well be the words that go on my gravestone, should I end up having one. But then I wonder, could it potentially go on 90% of the whole population's gravestones?

None of which is to take anything away from these wonderful and illuminating observations.

Mind you (and this is meant to be tongue-in-cheek rather than self-pitying...or is it?), if this were me I would put "I probably sound happier than I am right now".

But - to re-iterate in a slightly different way (if that's not a mild contradiction....or even if it is) - fabulous musings.

B said...

trews, you're probably right about that :) i am not entirely sure about my state of mind... i had possibly had a glass of wine. or two. or three. what's that about never blogging under the influence? ;) i think it was mostly factual, really - i was mildly surprised at myself.

glad to amuse, anyway :)

trousers said...

Ah yes, b, but just seeing the words there - it's something I often feel, and so it was quite marvellous to read it. My thought that it might be common was secondary to that, which is something I should emphasize.

Blogging under the influence....ok, time for yet more shameless links to own blog.... but the one in question was begun after I'd had a couple of pints of Leffe, and finished after I'd had a further bottle of sherry. Not a full sized bottle of sherry I hasten to add, but then after a couple of pints of Leffe, that's not a bad thing.

Anyway feel free to read it or not, but given the amount I had drunk by the time it was posted, it remains one of my faves.

Sorry to ramble on!

B said...

Vix I have no idea what you're talking about. Also LET ME KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING NYE!

Trews you are funny. I wouldn't have thought you wrote that drunk!