While delaying childbearing does increase the risk of miscarriage, it does not mean you deserve one. ...
It is worth remembering that women who delay childbearing usually do so in order to achieve a better balance in their lives. ... This benefits not only themselves, but their children; we may be at the lowest risk of miscarriage in our early 20s, but few of us would be the best mothers we could be at that age. Studies have shown that older mothers are likely to be more calm, relaxed, patient, and confident. They are also more likely to make time to enjoy their child, and are better at encouraging speech and independence in the child. ...
Whatever your reasons for waiting, they were the right reasons for you, and it is admirable to manage your life to try and achieve the best balance. While these chances may increase your risk of miscarriage, they do not mean you deserve one, or that you don't deserve children. And perhaps these same choices will make your home a happier one when you do become a mother.
This quote is taken from the book Avoiding Miscarriage by Susan Rousselot. It arrived in the post today and I read it from cover to cover as quickly as I could.
This quote in particular made me cry and cry.
I didn't even know how much guilt I was feeling about waiting until I'm in my thirties before trying. But it was the right choice for us. We weren't ready to take this step before now.
Rousselot wrote the book because it didn't exist when she needed it. When she couldn't find a publisher or an agent who was interested, she self-published it.
I'm still terrified that this will happen to me again. A book can't cure that. But I feel a tiny bit more positive now. That maybe even if this ends up happening to us again that I'll cope.
I still have a lot of grieving to do. For my own lost identity (I was going to be a mother; now I'm not. We were going to be a family of three; now we're not.) as well as for the baby we've lost. But I'm starting to feel that once the grief has started to ease, that we can take that chance. That we will be able to try again.
If you have concerns that you will have a miscarriage, buy this book. If you've had a miscarriage and you're scared you'll have another, buy this book.
If you're a publisher or an agent, please contact Susan Rousselot. This book is well written and well presented and immensely important for the thousands and thousands of women out there who have suffered a miscarriage.