Tuesday, 19 January 2010

i went out for tea tonight with a couple of friends. and one of them, she made me cry. but in a good way.

when her baby was born, she said, she was sad. because she'd felt like she was doing something important. and then suddenly, she wasn't.

yes.

it was important, before, that i didn't drink a whole bottle of wine, or three cups of coffee. that i didn't get stressed. that i took care of myself.

now? not so much.

and yet. i don't have a baby to look after.

i started crying. at the table in the restaurant. we got up and she gave me a hug.

sometimes it takes someone outside the situation to see the most obvious things.

3 comments:

Maddie said...

I felt really strange drinking wine and eating things I couldn't when pregnant for the first few weeks after Matilda. It was weird - I'd been looking forward to being able to have a glass of wine after she was born and then after everything happened, I just felt guilty about ever having that thought. Then eventually I starting drinking wine again but I've now stopped - I'm too scared of becoming dependent and had an awful meltdown after having a few glasses one night.

Nothing about this is straight forward it seems.

Maddie x

watching9987 said...

Can't be easy I suppose, this whole thing and... Well... Still got nothing useful to say except that we're thinking of you. Which helps not a lot, but it's all I got.

Much love yo

xx

B said...

i drank an entire bottle of wine the night i found out what had happened. but i've stopped drinking it too maddie. it's getting too nice a habit.

thanks nik.