today, it's just a quiet sadness.
i wish my baby was still where it was supposed to be.
i wish i'd been at work these last two months. complaining good-naturedly about having to work while pregnant, blaming any little thing i wanted on the baby.
every time i wanted anything while pregnant, i blamed it on the baby. 'the baby wants garlic bread.' 'the baby wants nail varnish.'
the most ridiculous of things.
and nearly every time i said it, the baby was dead already.