Monday, 29 March 2010

definitely not pregnant.

for the first time today, i'm angry with myself. angry that even though D and i have been together since 2000, we only started trying for babies last April, just before i turned 33.

now, i fear, the chances of my actually having a successful pregnancy ending in a living baby before i reach the dreaded age of 35 are minuscule.

---

we do what we can. we do the best we can with the information we have at the time. and i can explain every reason that we waited this long.

but still.

i'm angry. and i only have myself to blame.

8 comments:

lis said...

it is unfair and i totally understand blaming yourself, as i do the same thing over and over.

please know that it will be, someday, someway. i believe it for you and we've only just met.

im 32 and in the same hopeful boat as you. let's see what these old eggies can do :o)

im so sorry you are so sad. i wish i could do something to help besides tell you that it will someday recede, if only a little.

xoxo

Sarah*G* said...

It took me and Ben just under 18 months to get pregnant with Zackery. I found out I was pregnant the same week I got a letter from the fertility clinic with an appointment. My mum found out she was pregnant with my brother 7 days before being due to start IVF (they had been trying for 3 years to conceive) I have friends that lost their first baby at 15 weeks (just 2 weeks after they were married) and it took them a full year to get pregnant again.
It will happen for you Beth, I am sure it will and when it does it will be all the more special. But when you want something so bad, patience goes out the window.
hugs to you.

Maddie said...

I wish we'd started earlier as well.

Hugs and I hope next month is your month.

Maddie x

Jorgelina said...

Just ask yourself one question: had you known years ago that this was going to happen if you waited till now, would you have done things differently? Of course you would've! This is exactly why you can't blame yourself for waiting, why you can't be angry at yourself for choosing to wait! It's not like you knew this was going to happen; it's not like you chose to make things hard for you and D!
Try not to be so hard on yourself, hun. <3

watching9987 said...

You're still young dude, honest.

Good luck

x

biojen said...

I'm so sorry you didn't get a positive. It's not fair.

You had no way of knowing what would happen - blaming yourself doesn't help, as you have told me before :)

I'm keeping my fingers crossed. I know this sucks, I wish I had a magic wand.

As far as being angry goes - use it. Go whack the crap out of something. Buy some cheap dishes and throw them at something hard. Letting go of that anger feels good, give it a try.

Catherine W said...

I wish I'd started earlier too. Like you, I can also explain every reason that we waited until a couple of years ago, despite the fact that my husband and I had also been together for a over a decade at that point.

I'm still hopeful. For me, you and lis. That one day it will all happen for us. xo

B said...

you would think i would learn! lost ANOTHER comment!!!! of course it's always the long ones that disappear :(