i've dyed my hair (extremely dark) red, after it being black for a long time. (before i was pregnant; it wasn't something i did after losing the baby, but i won't deny it: i was glad it was black the last four months or so.)
i hope noone takes that as some kind of proof that i'm somehow 'over' this.
6 april marks one year since we started trying to conceive.
it also marks what should have been eight months of pregnancy for me.
today, i'm exhausted, and sad. not overwhelmingly so... it just seems that anything at all is too much effort.
i don't want to do anything.
i feel that i've let everyone down.
(i realise that is entirely ridiculous. want to persuade my brain? i can't manage to)
i'm taking a mate up to asda later. i think it'll do me good. i don't want to go, but i think it'll do me good. (and to be fair D would do it, but i think i need to do something before i go stir crazy.)
the other day, in the supermarket. there was one of those rides that kids can go on. and a kid was on it. and she was just sitting there, looking bored. while the woman with her (her mum?) flicked through her mobile phone. ignoring the child.
it made me so, so sad.