back in october, i started a new blog.
i didn't start it on blogger. oh, no. people might have been able to see it linked from my profile, and that would have been giving things away before i was ready to! the blog's name, you see, was 'non geordie mum'. and it was somewhere i planned to write about my pregnancy and, in time, about raising my children. (yes, i was that optimistic. i wish i still was.)
but i didn't want people to find out before i was ready. that would have been crazy. what if something went wrong? what if i had to tell the whole internet that i'd (*whispers*) had a miscarriage?
(yeah. insert hollow laugh here. wouldn't that have been awful?)
so, anyway. i started a shiny new blog on wordpress.
i only posted three times. password protected the whole thing - tried to make it invite only, but i never managed to let anyone else log in. so there are just those three posts. one of which is about my fear of missed miscarriage, written the night before i went for my 12 week scan.
(insert hollow laugh once more.)
so, yeah. i've created a blog through blogger now. called it non geordie mum still, in a fit of overwhelming optimism. in my own mind, and - i hope - the minds of others who have lost children, i am a mother. but only a mother to a baby who died in pregnancy without me even realising.
i've been trying to import my three posts over, although blogger's 'import blog' link is pretty much entirely useless. (i should just give up and move them over manually. three posts, no comments; it wouldn't exactly take long.)
but i don't know what to do. this place used to be my place to talk about newcastle. that's why it's called 'watching geordie life', after all! i used to post observations about life here, and the city in general.
i never intended for it to turn into a memorial to my lost child. to my own mind, that doesn't belong here.
but now, a fair few people follow this site. people know where i am. they come here and offer me support, and hold me up when i can barely keep going. some of these are people who, like me, are lost in grief and pain and who are barely functioning.
i don't particularly want to move. even though i do, too.
what should i do? i suppose these are my options. if you have any thoughts or suggestions please do feel free to share.
1) start posting at non geordie mum and leave all my previous posts on babyloss here. this wouldn't be any work, but does mean that people might get confused. i might lose both my geordie-type readers (and those who read the geordie site just because they know me or enjoy it - all two of them! hi!) and the babyloss ones. people who find me at non geordie mum might miss out on five or six months of backstory.
2) start posting at non geordie mum and move my old posts on babyloss over. i'm not sure if that's actually possible. like i say blogger's 'import blog' thing isn't working. and if i did it manually i guess i would lose all my comments, and that would break my heart. unless of course i left the originals where they are. but the duplication would make my brain ache.
3) give up on non geordie mum (at least for the minute) and just keep posting here. risk losing my geordie-reading-readers. confuse babyloss readers with a jaunty blogname that doesn't fit what i write here at all.
any other options i've missed?
any votes as to which option is best?
i just don't know what to do.
i moved things round a bit in the meantime. removed some links, added some others. i did it
a couple of nights when i couldn't sleep and went off my followed/subscribed to blogs in google reader. so if i've missed you off, it's due to lack of sleep and stupidity, and not at all deliberate. please shout if so.
also shout if you can't find anything or if anything is broken. (the tag list is now right at the bottom of the page if you need it.)