Monday, 31 May 2010

i just discovered that Keanu Reeves and his then girlfriend (who died 18 months later) had a baby who was stillborn in 1999.


how is it that people believe this doesn't happen?

how is it that people believe that anything you can do can ever make a difference?

if someone as big as Keanu Reeves circa the Matrix can lose a baby, then fucking hell. it really can happen to anyone.

pure, shitty dumb luck.

nothing we can do can ever make any difference either way.


lis said...

I feel like an asshole because I always hope that some celebrity will have it happen so they can come out and put a face on this pain. How shitty am I and is our world when it doesn't matter unless it happens to "one of them?" And I get so worried still when I hear people are having twins. I shouldn't worry-every other dumb shit has no problem carrying them but me. Sorry I'm a bit bitter this evening. Xoxo hope u r well.

B said...

it's something i've been thinking about recently, that this pain is so overwhelming and all-consuming that even if or when it happens to someone famous we'd still try and pretend there was some kind of reason that made it ok. not just something that really can happen to anyone.

i don't know if you saw but a few days back i mentioned possibly writing a more realistic pregnancy book, one that doesn't just skip over miscarriage and stillbirth and might hopefully help people to realise that for some people it does go horribly wrong. well, i think i really might do it.

and lis there are so many people round who have lost twins, or lost one twin. please don't think it's just you.

i wish so badly there wasn't so much space between me and you and all the other babylost mums who hang around in this corner of the internet. it would be so good to meet up and cry and laugh together.

Catherine W said...

@lis - I hear you, it really makes me so upset, especially as twins or multiples seem to have become some kind of fashion accessory recently. I saw a headline on a celebrity magazine that nearly made me drop to my knees in a supermarket 'Jordan - I'll go through IVF to get my twins' and this is a (minor) celebrity who has THREE children of her own and, as far as I know, no fertility issues. Makes me want to scream. Why would she put herself and two children at risk just for the sake of having 'her twins'?

I'm so very sorry for the loss of your girls, Ayla and Juliet. I've been reading your blog but I'm not going through IF so I don't comment for fear of saying something stupid.

I know the feeling that EVERYONE else can carry twins except us - my SIL, my good friend and my next door neighbours all carried twins to term (or even further) but I couldn't get mine even to viability. One of my girls survived but my other daughter died in the NICU. My SIL asked me why it had happened. It is still quite unclear as to what DID happen but when I told her the doctors thought that the pre-term labour might have been attributable, in part, to a twin pregnancy she looked at me blankly and said 'I never had that problem with mine.' Oh but that hurt.

B - as I've said before I think you SHOULD write that book. People don't like to believe that these things can just happen at random, through no reason that anyone can identify and there is nobody to blame.

Sorry for hijacking your comments!

Miss Ruby said...

Yes I remember reading about Keanu and his girlfriend losing their baby at the time, it really took it's toll on him.

And you already know that I think you should write that book if it will not only help others but also you.


Nicole said...

I'm so sorry for your pain B. I realize there is nothing anyone can really say to make it better, so I won't go there. But I do think the book would be a really good idea. Like Miss Ruby said, it could be a great help not only to others, but also to you! I truly believe writing can be a great healer.