Wednesday, 5 May 2010

my work calendar has been mocking me.

phrases such as 'the universe isn't required to fall in line with your will' (maybe not - but shouldn't i at least get a shot?) and 'when your dreams turn to dust, vacuum' (this one really, really hurt. but at the end of the day, what else can we do? the scariest thing is that i can't say that it's wrong.

misguided and harsh and cruel, maybe. but not wrong

tomorrow's, i have memorised. i might not be in work but i still know what it would say if i was there.

'bravery is when noone knows you are afraid'.

by that definition, i'm a coward.

but who gives a crap. i don't care if my calendar thinks i'm a wimp.

i want my baby back.

but i can't bring it back through sheer force of will.

(i can't accomplish a lot of things through sheer force of will. not fair.)


i'll just keep on doing my best.

what else can i do?


jezebeldeville said...

"Bravery is when no-one knows you're afraid?" I've never heard such bollocks. Bravery is when something scares you, and you still do it, whether you show your fear or not.

In fact, admitting you're afraid can sometimes be the bravest thing of all.

I suggest you take that calendar, put it on the floor, and do a big stompy tapdance. Then get a new calendar, with pictures of kittens, or nice soothing landscapes or something.

Not snarky little "inspirational" messages with pretensions to wisdom. They can fuck RIGHT OFF.

Sending good vibes xxx

MK said...

Thinking of you today. I know that you are hurting but just know that you aren't alone and I'm sending you hugs.

Illanare said...

Nope. Bravery is admitting you are afraid.

Thinking of you and sending so many warm thoughts northwards to you.

Stephen Shieber said...

Agreeing with everything above. Sometimes bravery is simply carrying on. And to carry on you need to air all the hurt and the fear.
Thinking of you today. Many hugs