Thursday, 20 May 2010

Shit. I just read this. And David Cameron is now in charge.

Leaving aside anything else, if you move the limit for abor.tion to 20 weeks, and someone has a 20 week scan and discovers that their baby has a condition that means that it will never survive - does that mean that it's just tough, they will have to go through with their entire pregnancy - knowing that their child will never live - because whoops! we've passed the deadline! ah well, nevermind....

I feel sick.

It's one of the things that terrifies me, that I'll get pregnant and that this one sticks, but that something will turn out to be wrong at 20 weeks. And that we will have to term.inate the pregnancy, even though we want a child of our own more than anything in the universe.

And knowing that the man in charge wants to shorten the already-short amount of time I would have to make that decision?

.... Like I said, I feel sick.

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I feel unable to talk at the minute.

I leave posts unread in google reader, because I want to comment, but I can't think of anything to say.

I read the comments people leave for me on this blog, and I appreciate them more than I can say. But I can't make myself reply.

I receive emails and messages on facebook. But I can't make myself write back.

I don't know what's wrong with me.

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Having said that - I haven't seen any of my friends (except for one) for what seems like a very long time.

I've just stayed home. and hidden from the world.

But today? I'm meeting a friend for lunch.

It's weird. I think the antidepressants are starting to work, and I'm feeling better. But I still don't really want to interact with people.

But hopefully after meeting vix today, I'll feel more inclined to talk again.

I hope so. I find it a bit scary, being so insular.

It's not like me at all.

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edited to add that i'm also calling into work before i meet vix. i'm a bit scared.

i'm sure they'll all be ok - everyone has been amazingly supportive - but...

i'm still a bit scared.

5 comments:

biojen said...

All those damn ab.ortion laws are made by upper class white men who will never know what it means to care for a profoundly disabled child or carry a child that won't live or could kill you. I just wish they could be in my shoes for five minutes. What is sad and disturbing is that my husband and I are now basing our career decisions on the abortion laws of the states that have available jobs. The list of where we could move is getting shorter and shorter. Sometimes I really hate people.

I know what you mean about not talking. I have been feeling the same way lately. I am having to force myself to keep up with my reader (with the exception of you a couple of others) and I haven't been on Glow much. I want everyone in my life to leave me alone, even my family. I hope this is just a normal stage of grief and passes soon. I don't like this either.

I hope the meds do help and you are feeling more like yourself soon, take care.

Patrish said...

Thank you for stopping by my blog and showing me some support. I can't tell you how much it is appreciated. I'm feeling like you at the moment and have become a shut-in. I just don't care to join society right now.

Thank you again and take care.

Catherine W said...

Strange isn't it. That for years the men with the power in our two main political parties have both lost children of their own and yet . . . their legislation doesn't always seem to reflect that.

Well, my own views on abortion are a bit of a muddle. I've always been pro-choice, I still am pro-choice. But, I feel as though I KNOW what I am talking about. People here like jen KNOW what they are talking about. I think that people make generalisations on this topic far, far too lightly.

Case by case basis people. That's my feeling. It is too complicated an issue to say 20 weeks, okay, 20 weeks + 1 day, no sorry too late. If my children had been born in a different hospital, they might have been considered too early (by three days) and simply left to die.

I'm glad that you are feeling the antids are starting to work. Hope that calling into work wasn't too bad. xo

Kelly said...

Oh gosh. The whole abortion this varies for me so much but fwiw, I completely agree with what you said. I just don't get it.

How did lunch go with your friend? I hope that it was a breath of fresh air for you.

B said...

i think what catherine says - case by case basis. take it one at a time. no lines.

jen - the weird thing is that the guy who just left power had a child (a daughter, i think) that died a few days after birth, and the guy who just got into power had a son who died not long ago. you would think they would get it. i don't understand why they don't.

don't worry about keeping up with me, unless you actually want to. i'll be here when you're ready. there's no rush. and that thing about looking at abortion law before deciding where to live? terrifying. absolutely terrifying.

patrish, i'm sorry we had to meet like this, but i'm glad we did. thinking of you.

catherine that would haunt me knowing that your children might have been given up on. they deserve(d) to be given the chance.

and no, work wasn't too bad, thank you. i'm still scared of going back though, i have no idea how the people i actually work for will be (although i'm sure they'll be fine really).

kelly - lunch was really nice actually. i feel like i'm starting to wake up again. thanks for asking :)