i think that part of the reason i realised i really needed some medication to help me get through this was a quote from one of my very favourite characters on Scrubs. it's about post-natal depression, but i think it applies to me too.
Listen, you can't get rid this by sheer force of will or positive thinking or taking advice from a big hollywood movie star and the dead science fiction writer he worships. You need to get some help.
not so much the movie star bit obviously. but the rest of it? spot on.
i wrote a comment here that i thought might be helpful to share here too in case other people reading in the future are considering whether they need to start taking antidepressants or similar drugs.
"if i had broken my leg, and it was in plaster, and i couldn't walk unaided, i wouldn't sit still for the next six weeks and wait for it to heal. i'd use crutches to move around as best i could. to me, this is the equivalent of that."
my friend whose friend lost a baby at 5 months recognised herself in my previous blog post and contacted me to say that she had been wondering whether she should ask me to get in touch with the friend in question. that she didn't want to put me under any more stress and pressure.
for the record, if that happens to a friend or relative or colleague of anyone else, please feel free to tell me and ask if i feel up to it. if it don't, i'll say, but i think mostly i'll want to offer to be there for people. if people hadn't reached out to me then this would have been so much harder. i would like to be able to do that for other people.